Blow jobs are performance art with Pleasure Professional,
GOODY HOWARD, MSW, MPH
Danielle Bezalel (she/her):
Hello, Goody Howard, how you doing today?
Goody Howard (she/her):
I'm good, how are you?
Danielle Bezalel:
I'm really good, I can't wait to chat with you. You're just a ball of light and knowledge and I'm very excited that you're here today.
Goody:
Me too, I'm glad we could get it worked out.
Danielle Bezalel:
For sure. Why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself, tell me a little bit about your work. I know this is gonna be hard because you do so many things, but however
Goody:
I do.
Danielle Bezalel:
you describe that.
Goody:
Well, my name is Goody Howard, MSW, MPH, and I include that because student loans matter. My pronouns are she, her, and boss, and I don't code switch, and I cuss a little bit. I like to set the expectation early. I am a sex ed superhero, and I do pleasure development, professional development, and pleasure professional development.
Danielle Bezalel:
Hmm. Love it. Wow, that is succinct. Even though you do so much, that's really impressive.
Goody:
I've really been working on my elevator pitch. You know, people don't have the attention span that they used to, you know? So then if they're curious about, well, tell me more about pleasure development. Well, what does professional development mean in a context of a sex educator? Or what, you know what I'm saying? So they can ask about what they're interested in knowing before I ramble off about some shit that they didn't even care to know.
Danielle Bezalel:
Okay, totally fair.
Goody:
Hahahaha
Danielle Bezalel:
Sex ed superhero, I really like that. I haven't heard that before. When did you start calling yourself a sex ed superhero?
Goody:
Well, actually, that is not a name that I created myself. The folks over at SheVibe did a whole, what is it called? The collector cards, like baseball cards.
Danielle Bezalel:
Oh, that's so cool. Did they like reach out to you and you're like, um, yes.
Goody:
Yes they were like, what do you want to do? We want you to be a sex ed superhero. What do you want the aesthetic of your card to look like? Do you want a cape? Do you want to be flying? Or you want to be like Batman? Like, what do you want? And I was like, well, I love science and whole shit. And I use science to explain pleasure. So I want like a mad scientist vibe.
Danielle Bezalel:
Wow, incredible. Very cool to be on your own cartoon superhero card.
Goody:
It was super special to me because my dad used to draw comic books.
Danielle Bezalel:
Oh wow!
Goody:
And so it was really special to me because like he used to do that for a living. So it was cool. And then my son has the eight by 10 in his room, because he thinks that's just, he's 19. And you know, teenagers don't think anything is cool.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
So, and this happened when he was like 15, I think. And so he thought it was just. the dopest shit he'd ever seen. So he has like the eight by 10 in his room and I signed it and everything, so.
Danielle Bezalel:
Oh my god, what a proud son, that's really sweet.
Goody:
It made me happy because you know teenagers don't like shit.
Danielle Bezalel:
Yeah, what? Yeah, like getting any attention from my 23 year old brother. I'm like, I'll do whatever you say. Like you are you somehow are just like the epitome of cool to me, even though you're kind of an asshole. Just like, that's fine. I think that's what they're going for is like
the Gen Z folks like know that they're the shit. But like, I'm annoyed about it, but it's OK.
Goody:
Cause we didn't have, at 23 that confidence didn't live in me yet.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right. Yeah, right. Well, we'll talk about Gen Z later. I'd love to really know your story. You said, you know, you're MSW, MPH, sex ed superhero, you do pleasure work, you facilitate all these things, but I'm wondering what got you into this work in the first place.
Goody:
Well, I have always been the freaky friend, right? I grew up in a sex-positive household. It was a body-negative household, but it was a sex-positive household, which is a unique dichotomy to have. My mom's a nurse, so we learned about sex like very, you know, medicinally, very sterilely. And I think that I've always had the energy that people feel comfortable with asking those kinds of questions about. And I used to do toy parties, which is like Mary Kay for dildos, right? And so you kind of have to differentiate yourself from the people in your area doing what you do. So I would do like little positions, tips and tricks, or little oral sex tips and tricks. And people were like, I'd pay for this without the toys. And I was like, ding, because I've always been a hustler. You know, like Pharrell said, I'm a hustler, baby. And so that's very much me. I've been a hustler my whole life. And so I basically started to flesh out workshops. As a result, and so just kind of just start snowballing and growing and honestly I've been doing this work 17 years. By word of mouth, I didn't get I've been doing it full time for seven because I used to do accounting my bachelor's in business. And i've been profitable for the last four years.
Danielle Bezalel:
Yes, I'm incredibly happy for you. I mean, so much hard work, so much creativity, dedication has gone into your career and 17 years, full time for the last seven, making more money than your full time job for the last four like that's very inspirational. As someone who's been doing this work for six years and been doing it full time for the last two and
Goody:
Woohoo!
Danielle Bezalel:
When you got your MSW MPH, was that one program or like what was
Goody:
No.So I found the Women of Color Sexual Health Network in 2016. And I was like, oh shit, they're making, paying their grown lady bills with sexuality work. Right? So I started investigating and asking people like what their backgrounds and their training and stuff. A lot of them had MSWs, a lot of them had MPHs. And so I went with the MSW and a grad certificate of public health. Right?
Danielle Bezalel:
Oh, cool.
Goody:
While I was getting the grad certificate, the master's program was approved. So I was like, hell yeah, run it, right? So I got a Master's of Public Health. I completed it in May of 2020. I graduated by myself because I was the first human being to get a Master's of Public Health from the University of Texas at Arlington.
Danielle Bezalel:
Wow, wait, that's amazing, first of all. Congratulations
Goody:
Yeah.
Goody:
So yeah, and then I got here in May of 2020. So to get a public health degree in the middle of a pandemic is a unique and amazing experience because you're watching what you're learning in action.
Danielle Bezalel:
Yes. That's when I graduated from my MPH was May 2020.
Goody:
Yes! So you know what I’m saying.
Danielle Bezalel:
Totally understand and it was so I wonder if you felt this way too. Like, it was just such a strange experience. Like, first of all, like I didn't walk the stage because it was COVID.
Goody:
Okay.
Danielle Bezalel:
So like, two months of our program, two and a half were completely online. And it was just a fucking mess. And it was just really wild to have gone through. My program was two years. So doing two years and kind of hearing about all these theoretical pandemics and like ways in which to measure success and protect people and all the trouble and hardship that people go through with different cultures and different backgrounds and how to get people to listen to certain science when their social media feeds are so, you know, there's just like so much to
Goody:
Yeah.
Danielle Bezalel:
And that's really cool that we share the May 2020 for better and worse timeline.
Goody:
And I did, I graduated on Zoom too, but they spent like five minutes on me. And then they moved on to the bachelor's of public health people. And they did, they created a Maverick Trailblazer award in my honor. So every year, the first year I got to go give the award to the master's of public health student that they deemed worthy of the award. And so that was really cool too. So I mean, like. You know, it's dope to be like a part of history.
Danielle Bezalel:
Totally, you like were genuinely the guinea pig. Do you feel like you use your MSW and your MPH skills in your workshops and like in all of the things that you do now?
Goody:
Absolutely, my dick sucking class is a public health intervention. Like, I use my, my dick riding class is a public health intervention to increase positive sexual health outcomes and improve relationship satisfaction.
Danielle Bezalel:
Well, that's completely correct, and it should be said like that. And we should be talking about that in school, for sure.
Goody:
That's what I'm doing now. I actually I've never pitched anything in my career, anything I've ever done. People have come to me. So 2023 is the year of the pitch. And
Danielle Bezalel:
Mm.
Goody:
So I am pitching sexual health as public health, which is a lecture that I do. I'm pitching it to the public health departments at colleges. And I have another one called human sexuality and social work that I'm pitching to the social work colleges. because I think it's important for us to understand how the social determinants of health also include sexuality orientation and gender expression.
Danielle Bezalel:
Ooh, can you tell me a little bit more about that?
Goody:
For instance, social work, human sexuality and social work. Social workers typically work for nonprofits and things like that. They serve underserved communities. They have different priority populations. And they address usually negative public health outcomes. So if you are a social worker in HIV, you're going to be dealing with sexually diverse gender and sexuality expansive human beings. And you need to be able to create a safer space for them.
Danielle Bezalel:
Yes.
Goody:
Right? So public health people, when we're talking about STI and HIV tracking and things like that, the way the tracking is set up is completely wrong. It's like homosexual transmissions or MSM transmissions, men have sex with men transmissions, right? Heterosexual transmissions. Whereas if a trans woman is in a relationship with a cisgender man and one of them acquires HIV, it's counted as an MSM transmission.
Danielle Bezalel:
Oh.
Goody:
Or if a trans man who still has their vulva and vagina acquires HIV from their partner with a penis, that's considered a heterosexual transmission.
Danielle Bezalel:
Mmm.
Goody:
But it's not because that's a trans man. You see what I'm saying?
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
So if we, if we, a lot of times, especially in public health with epidemiology and biostatistics and things like that, we break people down and minimize them to their generals and what they do with them, as opposed to the systems and the social determinants of health outcomes, right?
Danielle Bezalel:
You're bringing me back to school.
Goody:
And I have a bachelor's in business, so I use it all. I don't see the point of getting a degree you're not gonna use. The degrees, my master levels degrees, I did that more for my clients than for myself. because the letters behind my name make people more comfortable paying my rate.
Danielle Bezalel:
Mmm. Just because of the way in which our world is set up in order to prioritize academia more than personal experience.
Goody:
Correct. I mean, I did learn some things, but a lot of things, a lot of what I learned just affirmed what I already knew.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
And I felt good about that too, right? So again, I leverage my formal and informal educations every day of my life to do all of the things. I get to use my creativity. I get to do, I mean, I make all my graphics. I edit out my video. I do all my own stuff, you know?
Danielle Bezalel:
you are very, very impressive to watch and to listen to. And it’s cool just seeing all the amazing things that you do. I really like really enjoy just like listening to you speak, which is really cool. Not only are you so magnetic and so fantastic at public speaking, but you lead so many incredible workshops that have like real knowledge and power that you're like giving people right? So smart. And I would love for you to do like a mini oral sex 101 workshop for us right now for
Goody:
Okay.
Danielle Bezalel:
performing oral sex specifically on penises, right?
Goody:
Okay.
Danielle Bezalel:
I think like, There are a lot of things that you could highlight here, but I'm just wondering, what do the listeners need to know that you can maybe share like a few tidbits here, and then what else would they really learn in depth in your workshop?
Goody:
Okay, well, in both of my workshops, the oral sex on a penis is called Lick and oral sex on a vulva is called Lip Service.
Danielle Bezalel:
Love it.
Goody:
Because you know why not um but oral sex is oral sex or technique is oral technique, and so we go over in both of those classes, there is a workbook for both classes. We go over the anatomy of the genitals the anatomy of the mouth, hand and throat we go over diet hygiene oral sex friendly positions. manual and oral stimulation of the genitals and how to add sex toys to your oral sex game. So that's what we go over in the workshop.
Danielle Bezalel:
Wow.
Goody:
The biggest thing, I think the biggest takeaway is confidence and enthusiasm are the biggest best things you can bring to your oral sex game. Oral sex is performance art. And I think the goal of oral sex is to make your partner feel delicious. Like that, I'm talking about delicious, like finger licking good. Like you want your partner to feel like you've been waiting all day to put
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
your mouth between their legs. Right. And sometimes we get in our head, specifically on penises, but involve us too. Like we get in our mind about, okay, I need to, okay, stroke the penis, cup the balls, do this, do that, you know. And so then it becomes sort of mechanical. Um, and it becomes something you have to do, not something you get to do.
Danielle Bezalel:
Mm.
Goody:
And so to refrain and to kind of take the burden off of having to be great off top. I tell people oral sexist performance art and performance art needs a theme song. So to add confidence to your game, the easiest thing you can do is think of a song that makes you feel sexy. Now, uh, I do a lot of applied linguistics work in my work because words mean things. Okay.
Danielle Bezalel:
Mm.
Goody:
So when we think sexy, a lot of people have never felt sexy in their lives. because they define sexy as what other people can be, not what they can be.
Danielle Bezalel:
Mm.
Goody:
And that does a lot to our confidence, right?
Danielle Bezalel:
Comparison.
Goody:
So I prefer that people drill down on the word sexy. When we say sexy, what do we mean? When I say sexy, I mean confident, I mean beautiful, I mean powerful, I mean attractive, I mean desirable, I mean intelligent, funny, stylish, right? All of the things. And so when you can connect to yourself, in other words that also mean sexy for you, you show up different. So get a song in your head that makes you feel like that, like when you get dressed and you know your outfit is popping and you have a good hair day, like you walking down the street and that song that's in your head right then, perform all sex to that song. Not only does it do something just energetically for you. It also gives you a rhythm to perform to, because the key to guide reflex control is breath control. So you have a rhythm now to perform to. Your breathing and all the things, your partner is now going to match your breathing and all the things and the body rhythms will go together. You can hum into your partner's genitals, which adds a rumble and a vibration that feels amazing, adds layers to the pleasure. You can mouth some of the lyrics to the song into their body. Be it, if it's on the mic, you can rock the tip of the mic and just mouth a little bit into the, you know what I'm saying? If it's a vulva, you can just like go in deep and just kind of lift the words. So, It just adds and it's like, it's a cheat code because you feeling good, you in it with the song. So now you rocking the mic to the song or you rocking the headphones to the song and humming and breathing and your body, you should be performing oral sex with your entire body.
Danielle Bezalel:
Wow, that really gives me a whole new perspective on the way in which it, like this idea of you get to do this, how lucky are we that we get to give our partner this kind of pleasure?
Goody:
But that’s the thing. You're framing it as your partner's pleasure. The way I teach, I frame it as the pleasure of the person performing. I don't, because dudes be like, oh, that's why you didn't teach these women how to please their man. First of all, I'm not only teaching women how to suck dick. Anybody that want to learn how to suck dick can learn from me. So anybody interested in sucking dick can come to this class. Anybody interested in riding dick can come to this class.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
First of all. I don't care about the person's pleasure that's receiving the oral sex. If you're not enjoying it, it doesn't matter. And you need to be connected to the pleasure that you're providing. And that's how to get, it's the challenge from something you got to do to something you get to do, because you're enjoying it. If you're enjoying it, you'll do it more. If you're enjoying it, you'll put more into the performance. If you're enjoying it, it can also satisfy you. I tell people, if you have not reached orgasm from performing oral sex, your life is incomplete.
Danielle Bezalel:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, so while you, potentially while using hands or a toy on yourself or…
Goody:
Possibly. So here's the science and health shit, right? So like if you're moving and you're grooving and you're performing all sex, you're getting aroused and stimulated as well. If you wanna use a toy on yourself, on your own genitals, while you're performing on your partner, great, right? And you can reach orgasm that way. You can reach orgasm with your partner's genitals in your mouth is an amazing experience. What happens is you sort of create this operative conditioning, this Pavlovian response.
Danielle Bezalel:
Like that felt really good last time. I wanna do that again.
Goody:
Uh huh. And what happens is as your body starts to get that muscle memory in place, it may get to a point where you don't need the toys anymore. You just
Danielle Bezalel:
Wow.
Goody:
created this circuit in your brain of giving and receiving pleasure because that's what operating conditioning is. That's what a pavlovian response is. And people don't think that they're going to talk about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and pavlovian response in a blowjob class. But guess what? Here we are.
Danielle Bezalel:
I have some homework to do.
Goody:
Science and the whole shit, right? And so when you have the science and the whole shit, it just hits different. Because I use science to explain pleasure. And when you have, like we were talking earlier about layering informal and formal education, now you've gotten some formal education to go with the informal education that you've had this whole time before you got here. And it's going to build confidence. And that is why my tagline is connecting people to sexuality, health, education, and pleasure with confidence.
Danielle Bezalel:
Hmm. You're, yeah, okay. I feel like that really makes sense with the confidence because when you show up in your body and you're feeling really, really good about yourself, that impacts all of your experiences by yourself and with other people.
Goody:
Mm-hmm.
Danielle Bezalel:
And so that totally resonates with me.
Goody:
And it shows up when you got your upright with your clothes on.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
Walking down the street, having a conversation, it shows up differently. People think what I do is orgasms and rainbows, right? Really, I'm a confidence coach. But I can't tell you all that because that's not what people expect from me. So your sexual confidence permeates every other kind of confidence you have. Because we're a very sexualized culture, but we're not a very sexually educated culture. And if education is power and knowledge is power and everything in the world is about sex except sex, sex is about power.
Danielle Bezalel:
Just let that sit there for a sec.
Goody:
Then what are we doing? You know what I'm saying?
Danielle Bezalel:
Right,
Goody:
Like that is what people, I think that's what people connect when they think of me. I hope that's what people connect to and what they remember about their interactions with me. I had a lady, I sat at a dinner table with her at a wedding three years ago, four years ago. And she saw me on a podcast and I was talking about confidence and how my confidence used to be rooted in my sexual abilities. And now my confidence is not rooted in my sexual ability. It's been rooted in everything other than what I look like and everything other than what I can provide other people. It's rooted in my intelligence and my style and my sense of humor and like all of those things. It's not about what I look like. And she commented on the podcast. She was like, we were at a dinner event four years ago and I remember thinking that is a confident woman.
Danielle Bezalel:
Oh wow, that must feel good.
Goody:
She commented and then now she follows me. But like, you know, like that was like, to me, if that's what you remember, I'm doing my job.
Danielle Bezalel:
Totally, yeah. And I'm sure that it just feeds your already like solid confidence that you have about yourself, like you said.
Goody:
Well, you know, I think I really try not to let other people's things matter to me because as a fat black girl in the South, that shit hits different for a lot of different people.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
I had a video just go viral recently. 4.7 million views on a video that an attendee of another workshop I was a guest in posted. And some of the people and the things that the people were saying, I was like, yo, I'm glad. that I think I'm all right, because they were like, who is she getting on top of? Now she can't ride, and to get that big old girl down? It was just, I mean, people that don't know me from a can of paint going out of their way to be disrespectful and dismissive.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
And I was just like, I live in a very affirming bubble.
Danielle Bezalel:
Mm.
Goody:
And the comment, they say never read the comments, right?
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
But the comments are like being a fly on the wall of people talking about you when you're not in the room.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right. Yes.
Goody:
Which means it could go any way.
Danielle Bezalel:
So, oh my God, I'm so glad that you said that because there's so much, yeah, of course, like if you're in the public eye, right, there's gonna be love, there's gonna be hate, and there's gonna be everything in between. And when I get hateful comments, I like to comment back, you know someone's on the other end of this, right? And usually people reply, sorry, that wasn't very nice. I think that, and not like that's your responsibility to talk to these hateful people, but I just think that it's interesting. that when you get called out like that in a way that's like, hey, don't forget, like I'm a human being with feelings and you don't even need to say anything if you don't want to.
Goody:
I mean, I didn't say anything. I commented like this is crazy, the child was going on his way to disrespect somebody I don't know. And someone commented under my comment like, well, you can't ride dick. And you can't get mad if people saying you can't ride dick, da da da da. And I was like, and I replied to him because he replied to me.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right, right.
Goody:
And I was like, you really doubled down on the disrespect. I was like, you should be embarrassed, but you're obviously not that self-aware.
Danielle Bezalel:
Mm.
Goody:
And I was like, I've gotten 16,000 followers in the last four days. My email list is booming and so are my sales. So your hateful ass opinion is just that and opinion.
Danielle Bezalel:
Joke's on you.
Goody:
So keep it cute, my boy. You know what I'm saying? That's
Danielle Bezalel:
Thanks for watching!
Goody:
what I said to him, I'm like, keep it cute, my boy. Like, I don't have time for this. Like this,
Danielle Bezalel:
Yeah.
Goody:
The negativity is a fraction of the positivity.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
And I really have to hold onto that because I don't wanna be famous. If I'm really being honest with you,
Danielle Bezalel:
I feel like that too.
Goody:
I don't wanna do that shit. I've been popular my entire life.
Danielle Bezalel:
Yeah, I believe it.
Goody:
My entire life I have been popular. I am trying to be profitable. I want to be paid and impactful. I don't have to be famous. I want to be able to go to Walmart in my pajamas. But I can’t do that now.
Danielle Bezalel:
It’s a great way to say that. I feel the same exact way. I like to see some of my friends who are in the sexual health space and they have like half a million followers and like Fox News is after them and they're just like, their name is in the headlines and I'm just like, I just wanna kind of, I really love how you said that. Get paid and be impactful like that.
Goody:
Dallas is a small town in the big city. So I can't go nowhere. I can't say anything.
Danielle Bezalel:
People come up to you and want you to chat with them?
Goody:
I mean, no, it'll be though, they recognize me from, you know, from something that they've seen me on, or even when I'm in my mask, you know, they recognize, they hear my voice, oh, I know that voice. I'm just like, oh my God.
Danielle Bezalel:
Is it overwhelming?
Goody:
A little bit, a little bit. It makes me happy though, because that means that my work is getting out. And I don't feel negatively about people like recognizing or coming up to me. It's just new. That's the thing, it's new. Like I'll go somewhere and I'll leave and I'll get DMs like, hey, were you just at such and such? Maybe.
Danielle Bezalel:
Who's asking?
Goody:
You know, like it's not a bad thing. Like I said, it makes me feel good that people are getting the information.
Danielle Bezalel:
Yeah, and you just want to be safe and like I said, be paid, be impactful and whatever,
Goody:
Correct.
Danielle Bezalel:
have your own fucking day and do whatever you want.
Goody:
correct.
Danielle Bezalel:
Yeah. Transitioning a little bit to your DEI work,
Goody:
Okay.
Danielle Bezalel:
you work in corporate and collegiate spaces and in these spaces, you have a quote on your website that I really liked, which is, you're determined to eradicate stigma and improve sexual responsibility.
Goody:
Yes.
Danielle Bezalel:
and I'm wondering what does this really look like in your sessions on the ground?
Goody:
So on college campuses it's very unique because sometimes I'm doing work for the faculty, sometimes I'm doing work for the students.
Danielle Bezalel:
Mm-hmm.
Goody:
We have more queer people on the planet than ever before, and a lot of them are in college campuses and spaces, and I try to empower faculty to create a firm and safer spaces in their classrooms. So I teach them about sex, gender, and orientation, and how they're three different things, and navigating pronouns, and blah, blah, blah, so that they can come from a harm reductor standpoint and support their students. In the student realm, I am booked by the fraternities, the sororities, and the student groups to do sex trivia, ask a sexologist. I have taught Rideology on a campus. And so I did a central intelligence workshop for a survivors group on a campus
Danielle Bezalel:
Wow.
Goody:
because typically when we have suffered or survived a violation, specifically a sexual violation, it gets harder to reconnect to sexuality and sex as pleasurable. And so, um, sensual intelligence separates sex from sensuality and sensuality is identifying and embracing non-sexual pleasure through all six of the senses. So it makes pleasure accessible and achievable. And you start to move through the world with an intentional gratitude of like the low hanging fruit of this pleasure. Because pleasure, the definition of pleasure is experiencing great joy and excitement. It has nothing to do with sex, but we've conflated the two.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
So spiritual intelligence separates the two. So now you start to reconnect to joy and excitement and you become a more sensual being. And when you're a sensual being having a sexual experience, now you're experiencing sex So it's a layered experience, you're adding layers to the pleasure, and it makes you more receptive to the more than 18 different kinds of orgasms that the human body has to offer.
Danielle Bezalel:
18.
Goody:
More than 18.
Danielle Bezalel:
Wow.
Goody:
And then I talk about those, I just briefly go over the 18 of the many, and then I expressly talk about three and how to access them with and without a partner, and that is the spreading orgasm, the pelvic orgasm, and the nipple orgasm. So one for vulvas, one for penises, and then one for everyone. And then I also have a workshop called the Big O where we talk about the 18 different kinds of organisms and how to access them without a partner.
Danielle Bezalel:
I'm not surprised.
Goody:
it just looks like science and shit, right? I'm talking to people, empowering people around their sexuality, around what pleasure can look like, and how it is a part of our everyday lives. And then you have the corporate spaces where I'm teaching sex, gender, and orientation, navigating pronouns, sex and aging, sex and disability. I've been booked by Metta twice, and one of those was a panel discussion around mental health and queer spaces in the workplace. I've taught, I've done T-Mobile with their storefront employees on navigating pronouns for people that just want to buy a phone. Like don't misgender someone, they just want a phone. You know what I'm saying? So like that's kind of what it looks like. But I specifically focus on educators, social workers, and health professionals. Because those are some of the most sex negative spaces. that I've encountered. And I feel like in education, you know, the compulsory heteronormativity, in education, social work, and in the healthcare field, there is a white, cisgender, straight, male default until otherwise identified. And if we are going to create spaces that are safe and we're reducing harm and eradicating stigma, the people that are the leaders in those spaces need to be better educated. And so for educators, I do different workshops for different age groups. So I have K through two, three through five, six through eight, nine through 12, and collegiate for educators, because then they give you the age appropriate ways to kind of discuss gender and sexuality and all the things. And then social workers, because again, underserved markets are largely gender and sexuality expensive. And then health professionals, because there are only two medical books that include the clitoris.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
I talked to an OBGYN earlier today who had no sexual health and pleasure information outside of the reproductive tract. Right?
Danielle Bezalel:
Yeah.
Goody:
So, like, there is a space for us to leverage, again, our informal and formal education in a way that can empower other people to create safer spaces for people we've never met yet.
Danielle Bezalel:
Hmm. How do you find time to do all this?
Goody:
It has to go on the calendar.
Danielle Bezalel:
You have to just sign me up because I won't attend if it's not on my calendar.
Goody:
It's not, listen, personal, professional, whatever. If it’s not on the agenda. And I don't have an assistant currently, but I am working on putting systems in place to help me have more time in the day because I'm a partner and a parent and a professional. So there are lots of demands on my time and attention. I am getting an intern this summer. I'm so excited. So I'm gonna get to train up some other people on how to like do the backend stuff. Because people see the front end stuff. They see the pleasure professional. They see all the, you know, sex toy Saturday and I'm teaching at Tulane and I'm out here at Johns Hopkins. And so, so I definitely, I definitely feel like I dropped the ball often. Um, and I'm working on that, you know, that little guilt that comes with that. Um, but pitching. being more organized. I mean, my squirrels have squirrels. Okay, Danielle, my squirrels have squirrels. So I'm easily distracted by shiny objects. Like I am, it's an undertaking. It's an undertaking. So.
Danielle Bezalel:
but you're just a creative brain. I don't know, maybe the world and the systems that are in place just don't fit you.
Goody:
I'm like, now I know I can leave my house for a week and my kids, I mean, and I have older kids too, but we have a little one and I know when I get home. My daughter Hendricks will have all her fingers and toes. She will have had breakfast. She may have had chocolate cake for breakfast, but she had breakfast.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
The other thing they're older, they can, that's another thing too. People think, let's see, oh, you have a partner and a parent, blah, blah, blah. My children are 26, 24, 19, and 7.
Danielle Bezalel:
Wow,
Goody:
24, and 19 are the built-in babysitters for the seven. I don't have to actively parent four children. And parenting adults looks very different.
Danielle Bezalel:
And 26 and seven, like that's a huge gap, I'm sure that they have like a really sweet relationship.
Goody:
They are ridiculous. When we pull up to the house and Hendrick sees Jackie, that's a 26 year old, sees Jackie's car out front. Oh, my sister!
Danielle Bezalel:
haha
Goody:
She can't get out the car fast enough.
Danielle Bezalel:
So cute.
Goody:
And I'm just like, great, because I'm gonna, you know.
Danielle Bezalel:
Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, you are a marvel to me, clearly. Like, yeah, goal, confidence goals, like parent goals, partner goals, career goals, in so many ways.
Goody:
Thank you.
Danielle Bezalel:
You clearly, you know, as we talked about, have been doing so much. You're so, like, rich with knowledge and information and getting people to be interested in sexual and reproductive health and pleasure and all the ways that people can gain pleasure, not just through sex. And I'm wondering if there's a specific sex ed topic that you just get so warm and feel cozy about when you teach, you know, and how did you come to love talking about this topic?
Goody:
Honestly, all of it, all of it. I was on a podcast once and the person asked me, if I could, if I could, any person living or dead, if they could get comprehensive sex ed, who would I choose? And I thought about it for a long time because no one's ever asked me no shit like that. And I said, King James. Because if he had gotten comprehensive sexuality education, the Bible would look real different.
Danielle Bezalel:
Bible stuff. I was like...
Goody:
Yeah, no, King James is one of the most popular interpreters of the Bible. Like, you know, and also in the United States, we're like an ambiently Christian country, even though not for real.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
And so that's why I said King James, because when you think about the impact that Christianity has had on colonization, on the slave trade, on, like, all of these things that are really horrific times in our You know, even with Judaism, like the Holocaust and all that was not run by Jews.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
It was run by people that thought something different and were wrong, right?
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
And if the people, those people that those ideologies were framed after were probably Christian. So even in that space, if King James had gotten comprehensive sexuality education, the world would look mad different. I mean, and so those are the things. I don't have a specific topic around sexuality that I like to talk about. Human sexuality is so expansive and all encompassing. I can connect the absence or presence of human sexuality education to anything, to school shootings, to abortion laws, everything. The people these shooting up schools, if they had gotten comprehensive sex ed starting in pre-K, they would understand expressing negative emotions. They would understand boundaries and autonomy and respect and responsibility. And that would look different when they're feeling to hurt. They wouldn't need to go shoot up a school because they would understand how to navigate negative motion. People think sex ed is just intercourse instruction. And it's so much more holistic than that.
Danielle Bezalel:
Yeah.
Goody:
And so I think that I just get excited about it because when I see the light bulb go off over people's heads, it is the most intense non-sexual pleasure I can experience. And so that is what I love doing. It's not a specific topic. I talk about sexuality like it's Tupperware because it is to me. And if we make these conversations regular, Because the concept of normal is subjective. It's normal for my son to go, mom, can you please get your dildos out the sink so I can watch tradition.
Danielle Bezalel:
Right.
Goody:
I'm sure that's not normal for most people. You know what I'm saying? So the concept of normal is subjective. But if we can make the typical experience be something that is more encompassing when it comes to human sexuality, education, health, hygiene, pleasure, all of these different things that come together, the perfect storm to be sexuality and sexual expression. The world would look so different. And I am wholly engaged in planting seeds for trees I'm never gonna sit under.
Danielle Bezalel:
Mm.
Goody:
I am determined to be an ancestor. I am determined to be someone that the children of the future learn about.
Danielle Bezalel:
And you already are.
Goody:
Hahaha.
Danielle Bezalel:
You already are. And that definitely comes through. And yeah, I really liked that metaphor. I think that's really powerful. And I totally agree. It's really hard to answer. Just one thing, cause it's a, it's a, it's a quilt and every piece of it is necessary
Goody:
That's like asking me, I do have a favorite kid. And sometimes asking me to pick a favorite kid, I do have a favorite kid.
Danielle Bezalel:
You can't, you won't.
Goody:
Yeah.
Danielle Bezalel:
What are you working on right now? I would love to hear more about your incredibly smart, sometimes hilarious, really, really just on the money merch and like this is clearly a part of your business model. Like tell me what's going on here. What kind of shirts do you have? Tell the people
Goody:
gosh, well I have shirts, shirt, hoodies and tote bags. I'm starting to do a cool neck sweaters too, because I like how it's a collar cops out like,
Danielle Bezalel:
Amazing.
Goody:
you know. So all of the t-shirts, the goodie gear. Pleasure professional is a newer design. I have some that say sex real big and they have educator going through the middle. So it's like I have sex educators, sex therapist, sex positive and sex coach. And so like all of that, I love the Goodyear things. But right now what I'm working on is I'm trying to get sponsorships for my Rideology tour.
Danielle Bezalel:
Cool, a tour!
Goody:
Tour, yes, I want to do an international tour. And I say international because I'm supposed to be in Toronto and Montreal. That's international, technically. And I've been invited to Australia. Apparently there's a lot of Goodygang in Australia, so I might have to make that happen.
Danielle Bezalel:
Awesome.
Goody:
But yeah, the tour is what I'm working on. I've never, because I've never pitched anything. So having like a sponsorship deck and like asking people for like financial support to make this tour happen, is it's mind blowing for me because that means people can have an opportunity to tell me no, which I don't like. No is not a friend of mine. I don't know her. We didn't go to school together. I don't like it. So I'm working on that. I also, this is the first time I'm saying this out loud anywhere. I had a meeting yesterday with an amazing cosmetic chemist who is a goodie gang OG. And she wants to create a lubricant line for me. And so we are making a Goody lubricant. I don't know what I'm calling it yet. I don't know if I'm gonna call it gloss or splash or I don't know, but it is a, I don't have a water-based lubricant and a silicone lubricant.
Danielle Bezalel:
Wow.
Goody:
And it will be available for pre-sale in September, because we're already doing the testing and the packaging and all the organic things and stuff.
Danielle Bezalel:
Very exciting.
Goody:
But it'll be available pre-sale in September, which is Sexual Health Month, which is Christmas for us. I mean, so yeah, so that's happening. That is the thing. I've never actually said that out loud anywhere. So this is exclusive.
Danielle Bezalel:
I'm so glad that it's here, that you're saying it here.
Goody:
And so I'm really super fucking happy about that. And I'm. trying to get a finger vibe created. Cause I love a finger vibe, cause it's super fucking versatile. I love finger vibes because they don't, you know, sex toys don't have a gender identity. They don't have an orientation. They can be used on any body part, with the exception of butt stuff, that has to be flared based. But you know, in general, and a finger vibe can be used everywhere. Nipples, mouths, penises, vulvas, anuses, it adds a little rumble to the choke. Like it's a great situation. So. working on that too.
Danielle Bezalel:
I'm so invested in your success. I'm very happy to hear about that. And we can talk offline about this, but partnerships and sponsors and ad decks, that's my bread and butter. So we can do some skill trading. Yeah, I have amazing sponsors for this podcast. I can hook you up with my sponsors. Shout out to Lion's Den and Future Method and Uberlube and the amazing Magic Wand, they're one of my sponsors. Let's talk after happy to hook you up with everyone I know and we can do some skills trading. That would be great.
Goody:
thank you.
Danielle Bezalel:
Of course, happy to help in whatever way possible. As I said, I'm invested in your success. I think you're so wonderful. So that's very exciting for us as our new partnership kind of begins after this podcast. And, you know, say where folks can find you, where people can follow you and get info on your stuff, on your workshops.
Goody:
Well, my name is Goody Howard. That is my legal name. Because people are like, is that your real name? It's my legal name. It's on my taxes. So, that's how you know. And everyone asks Goody things. So I am Ask Goody everywhere. Askgoody.com is the website. Info at askgoody.com is the email address. Ask Goody on all social media platforms. Anywhere lights can be clicked. I'm Ask Goody. That's ASK. G-O-O-D-Y, everywhere.
Danielle Bezalel:
Amazing and as a follower of you and a consumer of your content. I can say everyone who's listening should go Get your Instagram out right now get your social media out your social media of choice Find ask goody and follow her and goody. This has been so fantastic. Thank you so much for being here
Goody:
I have one other thing for you. So the website, your podcast is Sex Ed with DB, right?
Danielle Bezalel:
Yes.
Goody:
Okay, so if your listeners go to AskGoody.com and buy something, they can use code SEXED for 20% off.
Danielle Bezalel:
That's a fantastic deal. So did you all hear that, pay attention?
Goody:
Hehehehehehe
Danielle Bezalel:
Askgoody.com use code sexed for 20% off of what Goody has to offer
Goody:
Yeah, and that's not for live events, but it does count for workshop replays, goodie gear, and pleasure tools.
Danielle Bezalel:
Yes, and please go check out the Goody Gear. It's so phenomenal. I can't wait to buy some stuff myself. But Goody, once again, I'm so glad that we're connected. I'm so glad you're in the world. I'm so glad to learn from you. Thank you so much for being on today.
Goody:
Thank you for having me, this was awesome.